I saw the monster
Before I did not understand why there are so many people that after they have stopped smoking they started again. That in my mind was confused – it is possible to go through such an hell, because it is an hell, not a piece of cake, to take it over again?
Now I know, because last night I saw the monster.
I was calm, relaxed, at peace with the idea that I don’t smoke anymore. Don’t feel forced to do something special with hands. I wasn’t thinking how quickly the time pass to forget about smoking. I would hardly be concerned and the word cigarette would be totally out of my vocabulary if I wouldn’t been asked if I miss it.
I didn’t miss it but I would gladly smoke a cigar 🙂
It’s something like – Venice you don’t miss it but you will go with pleasure there if you could.
And then I saw that the safety net on which you rely is only apparent. The mind, like a nasty old lady, taking care to remove negative things to light, leaving only the bright side.
And so you become a wise man and nothing could influence you and start to freak like you say – I can smoke a cigarette / just one tonight and then give up as neither would have happened. I went through it once, I found that I can master it if that is what I want. There is no danger here.
Then you probably say that there is no danger if you smoke 2, 3 cigarettes at morning coffee, then do not make sense to you now that you can quit anytime in the future and then you don’t say anything but smoke as a normal, like all people who smoke.
And just when you feel more relaxed and you think nothing bad can happen the monster shoot you back.
It’s like when you are on skis and you’re relaxing a little and thoughts in your head screaming like – Look what cool things I’m able to do!